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Are You Experiencing Abuse in a Dating Relationship?

By: lar

Violence in relationships is not just an adult problem. Abuse occurs in more than a quarter of teen relationships. Dating violence is when physical, emotional, and/or sexual force is used by one person to control or dominate the other. If you or someone you know is a victim of dating violence it is important to talk about it with someone, preferably an adult, to get help. If the first person you tell doesn't help you, talk to someone else. Keep trying to get help.

If you are being abused by someone you are dating or have dated in the past, remember, you are not alone and it is not your fault. You may feel confused and scared about what is going on. But, you need to deal with it, because the abuse will likely get worse over time. It does not go away just because your partner says they will stop the abuse.

The following warning signs may indicate that you are in an abusive dating relationship:

You may be at risk if the person you are dating or have dated in the past:

* Is jealous and possessive toward you, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, or won't accept breaking up.
* Tries to control you by giving orders and making all the decisions. Doesn't take your opinion seriously.
* Is scary. (You worry about your partner's reactions to things you might say or do.)
* Threatens you, uses or owns weapons.
* Is violent: has a history of fighting or loses temper quickly.
* Pressures you for sex, or is forceful or scary around sex. (In a male, may treat women or girls as sex objects.)
* Gets too serious about the relationship too fast.
* Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to use them, too.
* Blames you for the mistreatment you get. Says you provoked the abuse, pressed buttons, or "asked for it".
* Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you they were worried about your safety.

If you have observed any of these things happening in your or another teen's relationship, dating violence could be happening.

You can prevent it from getting worse. Help is available. Look to other messages on these pages for specific things you can do and for information on community and other agencies that can help.

If you are in an abusive relationship or trying to get out of an abusive situation, here are some tips you might think about to increase your safety:

* Stay in touch with your friends and stay involved in activities that you enjoy.
* Consider telling your parents or other family members about what is happening. They can help you screen telephone calls or visitors.
* Try not to be alone. Let your friends know what is happening and have them walk to classes and spend time during lunch with you.
* Tell teachers, counselors, coaches, or security guards about what is happening. Have them help you be safe.
* Change your routine. Don't always come to school the same way, or arrive at the same time. Always have someone with you.
* Always keep extra quarters with you so you can make phone calls.
* Consider obtaining an Order for Protection from the court.
* Make a list of phone numbers, including 911, crisis lines, and supportive friends whom you can call when you are upset.
* Try not to be alone with your dating partner. Don't go by yourself to an isolated or deserted location.
* Before leaving home to go somewhere, let other people know what your plans are and where you'll be and when.
* Trust your instincts. If you feel you are in danger, get help immediately.
* Break up with your partner in a public place. Let other people know that you plan to break up with your partner and let them know where you'll be and when.

Everyone has rights in a relationship. Keep in mind that you have the right:

* To trust yourself and your instincts;
* To be respected as a person;
* To change your mind;
* To express your feelings;
* To refuse a date;
* To not be physically, emotionally, or sexually abused;
* To break up with someone who makes you feel bad.

Know your rights and don’t be taken advantage of.